I took this as a prompt to share ourselves with photos. It’s wordy. (I need the practice. To my credit there is one selfie.)
I have been called ‘singular’ in that while I sometimes tried to blend with others (hire me, pick me, cast me, like me), most of my life I have been indifferent to fitting in. Most of my life, no, I’m still here, ALL of my life, I have been too fascinated by, curious about, distracted by and geeked about, well, Lord help me, EVERYthing, that I’ve never cared much for social constructs. Eeeeeyeah..that caused problems…no..that still causes problems. Eh. We all cause the majority of our problems.
Here I am in 1988 at 31ish? Youth.
There are many things I’ve loved and lost. I loved winter. Boy howdy, it does not love me back. It’s not that I cannot ski, sled or skate now, or that I’m old enough to hear the death knell of that icy front step, it’s that if I do not get enough sunlight my immune system views my eyes as suspect characters. I imagine it is all part of intelligent design but I’m not intelligent enough to understand why this particular design.
I loved my first career in the performing arts. After the first brain surgery I loved my second career in arts education. After the second brain surgery I learned to love other things.
I miss dancing. I miss acting, I miss playing bass, I miss singing, I miss teaching, I miss doing all those things professionally but I just plain miss the joy, peace, zen, it all, of all those things.
Your world and dreams get smaller. You learn to value other things. I am grateful there are a lot of other things.
I still participate in arts, mostly visual. I have sold photos in galleries and I enjoy community arts, public arts, just plain arts, national politics, history, oh, and a good baseball game. God Bless Baseball. Although all my plays have been set on their feet and seen performance I can honestly say some of them should never have left my laptop.
I think I was 50 when I said to myself, “Dayum, girl, what are you waiting for?! Yes, pro boogie boards are expensive but you’re never getting younger. Do it!”
I did it. I bought good boards and I had a couple of excellent summers carving waves. The memories are mine…for as long as I can hold on to them. Disability/Injury/Surgery kept me off Lake Michigan the past three summers. It will be summer again. I still have my boards.
I think I was 57 when I said to myself, “Dayum, girl, what are you waiting for?! Yes, you will look foolish. Yes, they want young, able bodied, MALE sailors, but if you want to learn sailing, eat your pride, curb your temper, hide your wit and just do it.”
I did it. I’m still learning. I will never stop learning. I will never know it all.
I love a good trip to an unknown city, alone or with others. But. At the end of the day if I can’t be in the woods by myself or on the beach by myself or on the water, or have a creative outlet, I will go stark raving mad. I have always needed my quiet time.
I love my husband. I love my brothers..my family..my excellent friends..my cats..my flowers…I love life. But I get so tired and that makes me cranky. God bless the people who just wait till I have rested and worked that snit right out.
The past couple years I have been taking a lot of selfies. It’s not vanity. I left vanity behind in the 90’s. Physics tell me I must add heat if I’m going to control entropy. As my body spins out of control it is a way to assure myself I’m still there, inside somewhere, dealing with entropy.
I love to mark the changes of the seasons as the Big Wheel turns. I love to celebrate the holidays of those seasons. I love to celebrate those holidays, sometimes by dressing up and getting silly because life is hard, baby, and none of us get out alive. The Big Wheel it turns with us and without us. Might as well get on and enjoy the ride.
This post is dedicated to my husband. I did volunteer work yesterday, organized volunteers, got it done but I overdid, got too tired to deal with pain and had a snit. He abides.